The 2 Classes: A Study of Human Behavior

Human behavior is a subject I find very interesting. I often wonder what makes people act the way they do in certain scenarios, and if behavior is something that is relative to the locale where the behavior occurs or if it is consistent in any setting. Sure, there are things that influence human behavior in every situation we find ourselves in, but I theorize that there are 2 main behavior classes: Assholes and Non-Assholes.
I made an observation the other day that provided strong evidence for my theory of the 2 main behavior classes while waiting in line at the pharmacy in Costco.First, let me say that if you're interested in studying human behavior or just "people watching," there's no better bailiwick than Costco. You'll find enough fodder inside any Costco on any day of the week at any time of day to feed your growing disdain for society until the end of time. There's something about whipping out that membership card and crossing the "members only" threshold that turns most normal people into tunnel-visioned assholes, oblivious to everyone else in the world.(Give her the evil-eye all you want, pal. She has no clue you even exist.)This generalization doesn't apply to everyone inside Costco, just MOST everyone, which brings me back to my theory about the 2 behavior classes.
So I go to Costo to fill a prescription, which I have done several times before. On this particular day the pharmacy was unusually busy. After dropping the prescription off I did the normal wait-for-the-prescription stroll through Costco, looking at shit I didn't need but wanted. After 15 minutes I returned to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. Normally, this takes about 5 minutes, but this day there was a jumbled mess of people waiting in front of the counter for their prescriptions.(I shit you not, it looked like this.)With no definite line formed, I took my place amongst the mess of people, taking a mental note of who was in front of me as to avoid being a douchebag and cutting in front of someone who had been waiting longer than I had. I assumed this was standard protocol in this type of situation and that everyone around me had done the same thing. I was wrong.
After about 20 minutes of standing in the waiting pool of people I was nearing the front of the "line" and was next up to get my drugs. At this moment I encountered the situation we all hate. An annoying woman who had been yapping on her cell phone the whole time she had been waiting suddenly steps up right next to me as if she was under the impression her fat ass was next. Because I was having a good day, I decided to brush it off and let her inconsiderate ass get her prescription before I got mine. By the looks of it, she was probably picking up her Prozac and I felt like she needed that more than I needed my drugs. I knew that she knew damn well what she was doing, so confronting her would most likely end in disaster. I let her go and waited for the next available cashier to call me up.
After a minute or two I hear one of the cashiers say "Next," so I move towards the yellow "do not cross" line to proceed to her register. Just then, another bitch-of-a-woman tries to pull a sneak attack and literally steps right in front of me to go to the cashier. By this time my patience has expired and in the most polite voice I could muster I said "Excuse me? I was next in line." I can't say I was surprised when she turned and looked at me with a look of disbelief on her face. It was a look that said "But I'm a woman. It's only proper to let me go first." Normally I'd let chivalry prevail and step aside for a woman, but I don't believe in rewarding childish behavior so I answered with a look that said "Fuck you. I know what you're trying to do you childish bitch. Get behind me." I got my prescription, then as I was walking past her to leave I gave her a grin as to say "I win, bitch."
This long explanation illustrates perfectly the first behavior class: Asshole. These two women both fall into the Asshole class. One could argue that I too fall into that class for not letting the woman go first, but when examining the paradigm as a whole, it becomes clear that my behavior was reactionary, not instinctive, thus disproving the argument that I am an asshole.
Then, as I was leaving with my prescription, I had to jump through Costco's despotic hoop and wait in line to leave so someone could arbitrarily draw a squiggle on my receipt with a sharpie. It was here that I encountered someone from the Non-Asshole behavior class. Again, I encountered the situation where I came to the front of the line and was right next to someone, only this time the Non-Asshole simply smiled at me and said "Go ahead." It's sad to say, but that small gesture was quite comforting and restored a sliver of my faith in humanity. It's sad because something that should be considered mundane, like being polite, was surprising and unexpected.
As I got to my car, my thoughts turned inward and I reflected on my own behavior and on whether I am of the Asshole class or the Non-Asshole class.

I'll save my conclusion for another day.